Mental Changes

My 1 year anniversary on Lose It is just around the corner.  Although I started my weight loss journey in November 2011, Lose It signifies the start of my lifestyle change.  It is amazing at what that means.

Have you seen the commercials for the new diet cure?  The one where you sprinkle stuff on your food and magically lose weight?  The one that specifically says 'Not a lifestyle change.'
I haven't been on the Lose It forum to see what is being said about this new miracle cure, but I can imagine the responses because I have read enough in the last year to know.  What happens when you stop using the miracle cure?  You haven't really learned how to control your weight at all, so the weight will all come rushing back!

But back to me, because let's face it, here in this little place of the internet, my name is on the byline, so it really is all about me!  

My lifestyle change:
 - I haven't lost as much weight as I thought I would, but have discovered that I am not going to.  From this point in my journey, it is all about burning fat and building muscle.  I am still coming to terms with the fact that I may already be at goal weight or potentially gain more weight as the muscle builds!
 - I have learned to eat smaller portions, slower, and how to add protein and healthy fats to my diet and how important these are to my diet.  (Yes, I know I am using the word diet, which I hate when used 'I am on a diet', but 'everyone eats, therefore everyone has a diet'.)
 - I am working on limiting simple carbs and eating only complex carbs, but it is not always easy.
 - I have joined a gym!  Never thought that would happen!!!  Not only that, but I am seriously considering becoming a trainer!
 - I did a 5k with my mom and have a 10k coming up in just 3 days!!!  Never thought I would see the day where I would race again!
 - I am doing weight training with a potential goal of being a power lifter...  And I love every minute of it!!!  The burn, the soreness, the progress I see being made in my body!

The title of this post is Mental Changes and none of this has really been about anything mental, so what has been the mental portion of my lifestyle change?
I grew up a wallflower.  One of those kids that tried best to find a hole in the ground and jump into.  The one that dressed to hide, not get noticed.  I learned very early on to be noticed was not a good thing and generally ended up with me in pain in one form or another.  
I continued this mentality into my adult life.  Well, my early adult life anyways.  After leaving my husband and not realizing until I left that I had been abused within the confines of my marriage, I was determined to never let myself back into that position.  I had to remake myself mentally.  Not to stand out, but to stand up.  It has not been an easy journey.  Small choices, small changes, to find a new me that I was comfortable with as well as protecting myself from more pain.
Part of this change was realizing a couple years ago that I was depending on guys to be in my life, to help me, to support me, and I wasn't sure who I was without a guy by my side.  I made a drastic decision to take a year off from guys, to find me, to learn who I was, to discover who I really was, by myself.  Not only did I take a year off, but in 34 months, I have had 6 dates.  My life no longer revolves around men.  I do know who I am and what I stand for and I am strong enough to be by myself without fear of failure.
So what does this have to do with my lifestyle change?  
While I have not lost as much weight as I would like, I have lost dress sizes and it shows!  I am getting closer and closer to a body 'most women would pay for' to borrow a quote from a friend.  I have started dressing to accentuate my body, to feel feminine, to look pretty, and I have been getting so much more attention from the male half of the species.  I have started to stand out as my body shape changes.  
And there are more mental changes going on too.  I am becoming more confident.  I like the way I look, for myself, not for a man in my life.  That is so important to me!  I don't know that I have ever felt the way I do today, about me!
As this self confidence and self awareness grows, so does the attention from men.  Which is so annoying!!!  Why couldn't they notice unattractive, unconfident me?  Why is that now that I look good, know that I do, and love who I am without them in my life, why now do I get attention???  And what is more aggravating is that most of the attention is coming from stereotypes that I would never get involved with.  
Where is the good country boy that knows how to drive a tractor and doesn't mind getting dirty?  And since I now live in the South, where are these fabled Southern Gentlemen that are supposed to be the ultimate catch?
Who knows?!?
What is important to me, what is my next step in life, is to continue this journey for me!  To continue to improve my body, my fitness, my health, for me!  To continue to grow confident in who I am as a woman!  God willing, someday the right man will come into my life.  I would be even more blessed to have God open my eyes to see who the right man is.  
Until then, I continue this physical and mental journey to find this woman that the little girl back in New York would not dream of being related to!