As part of Halloween fun, Airbrush Gypsy dresses up as gypsies for our shows. Last October, I had been talking with this guy for several weeks and wanted to send him a picture of me in my crazy Halloween Gypsy get up. I had a friend take a picture of me. I already knew the dress was fitting me tighter than ever before, so I was sucking in my stomach to hide my 'thickness'. After looking at the picture, I realized I was FAT. Not chunky, or a little heavy, but FAT! I couldn't stand to look at the picture. A week later, I bought a Wii & Wii Fit and discovered I weighed 225 lbs. I was blown away. After spending my life trying to avoid the 200 mark, I had hit it and flown right past.
I am now under the 200 lb mark and flirting with kissing it goodbye forever! As Halloween has gotten closer and closer, I wanted to do a side by side to see the changes from my fat picture and see where I really stand today.
I put the pictures side by side and look at the different me's, but I still just see fat me. I know I have made progress and have already had to discard clothes because they are so much too big and need to do this again, but I still can't see the differences in the pictures below.
However I am grateful for 2 huge differences below that encourage me to keep going.
- I had to drastically tighten the laces in the bodice, but still couldn't get the dress to lay correctly. Also I had to 'place' the dress in the correct position on my body because it is way too big for me now and won't 'wear' correctly.
- The angle between the brown bodice and the lace skirt is almost horizontal in last year's picture, but this year, actually looks like a bodice should.
As my friends on Lose It know, I have serious self image issues and being able to see the loss. This picture though, I am hoping, will be the start of breaking down that wall so that I can find the new me as I continue this journey!
Most everyone involved in my life since August knows I have been through quite a lot. I have moved a couple of times, had some nightmarish experiences with my roommates, and just can't manage to find where I am today.
Through the end of August and much of September, I was avoiding home like the plague. My exercise time shot through the roof because I was walking at the local park to waste time. Every single meal I ate was prepared by someone other than me and more often than not was fast food. My fabulous counting water bottle was damaged and wouldn't close anymore so my water consumption drastically dropped because I wasn't able to push myself to hit 3 or 4 refills a day. Through all of this, I still managed to lose over 10 lbs by October 1, pushing me over 25 lbs total. I contribute every ounce of this loss to the stress that I went through with my roommate. I was not doing a single thing correct in the weight loss game, except exercising.
I moved into a new place, but am still dealing with roommate drama. We are in the first baby steps of setting up house and so we are missing a lot of necessary kitchen products. Still having issues preparing my food and having a healthy breakfast and lunch. Dinner is getting marginally better, but still not where it needs to be.
I have gained several pounds back in the last few weeks, which I expected and wanted after everything I went through in September, but my head still seems to be not in the game. While I am still logging, I am not as diligent as I once was. I have increased my fitness routine and am doing fabulous, loving it, relaxing my soul as much as I can, but food just is beating me right now. I am making changes, but sometimes I have troubles remembering why I need to keep moving forward.
The positive changes that I celebrated and loved for 4 months were clouded over, muddied up, and just generally lost over the last 8 weeks.
Every day I am living my life, watching myself make choices that I would have not even thought about 2 months ago and now, it is so easy to go buy that Mountain Dew, or that pizza, or make the choice to not prepare my lunch for work.
I continue to live, making a few good choices, not allowing myself to back slide completely, but looking for that determination that I embraced, looking for that motivation to make that next positive step, looking for that inner peace needed so much so I can get my head in the game and keep going.
I am on a weight loss journey. There will be hills and valleys and sometimes I will take a left turn and end up in the thicket. I know this is where I am now. I know that if I keep walking, taking that next step, I will get to somewhere I know. Yes, I might step into a hole and fall, but I will pick myself back up, bandage up the wounds, and take my next step. When I cross the finish line to a healthier me, I will know that I am stronger and better for having taken this journey.
Thank you to everyone who holds my hand, picks me up when I fall, and offers a bandaid when I need it. Each of you helps me to move forward each day!
