A New Year

I started writing this with the intention of posting it on New Years day...  Unfortunately, my Wii Balance Board decided that it did not want to cooperate with me.  I decided not to change the theme of this post because although it is January 5, I know some people have already forgotten their resolutions from last week.  Or already messed up and are saying, 'Oh well, there is always next year, or tomorrow, or next week, or...'  We are a society that likes to put off until tomorrow stuff that we should have done yesterday.  I am a member of this same society.  If I wasn't then the life I am living today would be much different, but I am, and here, and so are you, so let us continue with this belated blog about the new year.

I am not a New Years Resolution person.  I don't think that there is any difference between tomorrow, yesterday, or today, except how you see it, how you react to it.  The fact that I weighed in today for the first time in 4 months, is purely a coincidence.
It has much more to do with the fact that for the first time in years I have hope for the future, and my potential role in it will be made much easier if I can lose more of this fat that just keeps hanging around.
Up until recently, this journey has been mostly easy.  I started walking, bought a Wii, lost 30 lbs. Joined a gym, lost another 4% body fat. I might not have been right on target, but I was doing pretty fabulous.
Then I decided to get a "real" job...  I now leave my house at 6:30 in the morning and get home at 6:15 in the evening. While I don't work "in the hood", my office is close enough that it was recommended to me to not walk at my lunch hour. Actually, don't even get out of your car! By the time I get home and find something to eat, or if I am really ambitious, make something actually healthy, I am exhausted and ready for bed. Where am I supposed to fit fitness?
I know...  Make the time! It is all so much easier said than done...
I've tried getting up at 5:00 to go to the gym...  And I can do it, if I am REALLY committed, but then I feel rushed...  Literally 20 - 30 mins to work out after being used to spending hours at the gym...  It just doesn't make me feel good like it should...  Not enough endorphins released, or something...  I'd much rather just throw on my sneakers and head out the door for a long exhausting run that do a bunch of running around...  But it is dark, and the road I live on is...  well not the safest road to be running on after dark.  Not talking about the danger of walking at work dangers, but more like falling into a hole, severely injuring myself, or some other such nonsense and since I am still fighting to recover from my overly ambitious and cocky attitude from those damn tires 8 months ago...  Further injury just does not sound like my idea of a good time...

But I did finally figure out a way to wake up, put on my sneakers, and burn some calories.  Just yesterday, I finished setting up my Wii in the main house living room.  It is after all where it was set up before I moved into the city.  I did try to workout in my apartment on the Wii, I really did, but even after rearranging my bedroom to get more workout room, the best I could manage was about 4' x 6'.  Sure I can do push ups, sit ups, etc, but Zumba?  Let me tell you it ain't pretty....  So we are set up in the house...  I will have to keep it quiet as to not wake everyone up, but I lost the first 15 lbs just like this!  I know it works!  I know I can do it.  And this time around I have a lot more than just Wii Fit to get me going.  I am going to have variety in my workout!!!  EA Active, My Fitness Coach, Jillian Michaels, Zumba, Wii Fit Plus, and if I just want to have some fun then there is even Wii Sports & Wii Sports Resort.

I have been wishing for some time that my gym did classes, but I guess that is part of the price of a more expensive and bigger gym.  I still love my small and intimate gym, just wish I could get there more often.  

In the last 2 days, as I have been setting up the Wii, I have decided that I do have classes and no I cannot miss them..  Every morning I will get up for class, every night after getting home I will do class before bed.  I can do this.  I will do this.

My friends from Lose It are rallying around me once more, and in actuality, they never left.  They were there, waiting for me to come back.  Waiting to enfold me back into the love and hope and encouragement to keep moving forward.  And my Loser friends that have moved into my 'real' life???  Are more than any person should have a right to expect.  It is absolutely amazing the love that I have received as I have moved closer to this day over the last several weeks.

So today is my re-commitment to a healthier me, because after all that is what I want to be right?  Not a Barbie doll, but to be beautiful to my groom on my wedding day, to be able to present him with a beautiful and even more healthy baby?  I know that this all can't happen overnight, but someday, I want to have it all, so today, this is what I can do, this is what I will do, this is what I must do!!!!

Weighed in this morning....  Let's just leave it at this is the highest weight ever entered into Lose It....  But it is not my highest weight ever so I can come back from it!

I will start logging my meals better

I will start exercising for 1 hour a day

I will start posting more often than once in the last six months

I will keep moving forward

Single Digit Pant Size

Last week was a tough week for me.  Had some self confidence issues, some perception issues, some guy issues.  Not sure that this week will be any better, but a couple of conversations with friends and a blog by my roommate from last year have the blog wheels spinning in my head.
Quick, or not so quick, recap:
November 2011 - I was facing size 20 pants and refused to make that purchase, so I bought a Wii and Wii Fit, discovered I weighed 225 lbs, my highest weight ever!!!!
April 2012 - Joined Lose It, discovered I weighed 215 lbs.  Decided on a goal weight of 150 lbs
After joining Lose It, I dived head first into the forums, read everything I could.  If I was going to make a concentrated effort to lose weight, then I was going to do it with all the ammunition I could find!  
Fall 2012 - I hit 200 lbs and everyone kept telling me that I looked so good and I didn't need to lose anymore weight, but I was still so far from my goal!  And still looked so fat!  I started doing more research and got into body fat percentages.  I don't know what percentage I first picked (should have been somewhere in the high 20's), but the weight that corresponded to it was 165 lbs.  I felt that changing my goal was ok to keep me still looking feminine, without draining myself mentally trying to hit a number that was never going to be possible!
December 2012 - I hit my low weight of 194.9 lbs, 25 lbs lost!  Amazing!!!!!  I, also, bought my first pair of size 14 pants in ages!!!!
January 2013 - I joined the gym and promptly picked up 5 lbs and kept gaining weight!
February 2013 - I lost 2% body fat!
March 2013 - I lost a total of 6"!
April 2013 - I lost 1% body fat!
May 2013 - I lost 1% body fat!
June 2013 - I lost 1% body fat!  I now weigh 210.3 lbs!!!
I am less than 5 lbs from when I started Lose It and with an average of 3 lbs gain a month, I will reach my start LI weight by the end of the summer and it is very likely that I will exceed my high weight by the end of the year!
I am never going to be able to hit 150, 165, or any other weight, because as I continue with my training, I am continuing to build muscle and that old adage is true: muscle really does weigh more than fat!
I am gaining inches in all the right places (arms and legs) and losing inches in all the right places (waist and hips).
After abandoning my weight goals earlier this year, I started thinking about what other goals I could come up with besides just my 18% bf goal.  I decided I wanted to fit into single digit pants!  My trainer said, 'You might not lose anymore weight, but we can definitely trim size!'  I was excited!!!
Last week, she asked me how many sizes I had lost since joining the gym.  She couldn't believe that I said none!!!!  We started talking about my progress (which has been amazing!) and all of a sudden it dawned on me....  All of my power is in my legs and we keep emphasising my leg work and I have gained inches in my legs and the pants in my 'not quite yet' bag won't fit over my legs...
Guess what???  My bodybuilding efforts, my increased inches in my thighs, currently at 21", will never fit into anything smaller than a 14 - 16!!!!
So yet again, I am searching for a new goal...  A new way to define my end game...  Today I don't know what that will be...  But remember...  Just because you can't hit that number on the scale, does not mean that you are not winning this fight!!!  There are lots of ways to measure success.  You just need to find the one that works for you!

The Lost Gypsy

As part of Halloween fun, Airbrush Gypsy dresses up as gypsies for our shows.  Last October, I had been talking with this guy for several weeks and wanted to send him a picture of me in my crazy Halloween Gypsy get up.  I had a friend take a picture of me.  I already knew the dress was fitting me tighter than ever before, so I was sucking in my stomach to hide my 'thickness'.  After looking at the picture, I realized I was FAT.  Not chunky, or a little heavy, but FAT!  I couldn't stand to look at the picture.  A week later, I bought a Wii & Wii Fit and discovered I weighed 225 lbs.  I was blown away.  After spending my life trying to avoid the 200 mark, I had hit it and flown right past.
I am now under the 200 lb mark and flirting with kissing it goodbye forever!  As Halloween has gotten closer and closer, I wanted to do a side by side to see the changes from my fat picture and see where I really stand today.  
I put the pictures side by side and look at the different me's, but I still just see fat me.  I know I have made progress and have already had to discard clothes because they are so much too big and need to do this again, but I still can't see the differences in the pictures below.
However I am grateful for 2 huge differences below that encourage me to keep going.
 - I had to drastically tighten the laces in the bodice, but still couldn't get the dress to lay correctly.  Also I had to 'place' the dress in the correct position on my body because it is way too big for me now and won't 'wear' correctly.
 - The angle between the brown bodice and the lace skirt is almost horizontal in last year's  picture, but this year, actually looks like a bodice should.
As my friends on Lose It know, I have serious self image issues and being able to see the loss.  This picture though, I am hoping, will be the start of breaking down that wall so that I can find the new me as I continue this journey!

Almost on hold, but continuing to push!

I have been working on my lost cause with dedication for more than 3 months now. I am up to 18 lbs lost! (and only 1.8 lb from 20!!!)  This week was a rather large drop and I will not be able to weigh in again until August 23.  Concerned about the weight going back up, but if I keep my hard work focused then I should still post a loss on the 23rd.  I am in the process of moving.  Packing up the old place now.  Painting and moving next week and then unpacking the following week.  Big housewarming / Labor Day Weekend Bash being planned for September 2 to welcome everyone to the new house.  Going to have a very hectic August, already very crazy.  This entire summer has just been a major struggle for me to stay where I want in regards to an exercise schedule & healthy eating.  I have done 'ok', but know that I can do so much better.  I really am hoping that once the weather calms down and I recover from my move that I will be in a much better position.
I altered the pushup challenge.  The challenge outlined by the offical 100 pushup challenge was too strenuous for me to complete yet.  I have changed to a different system although it has been put on hold pending the move.
Also, the Wii workouts have been put on hold as our living room has more boxes than space.  My plan is to go to the park everyday I can for a walk.  If the heat is too high, then I will swim.  If it is raining, then I am either taking a rest day or attempt to find the room for a Sworkit workout.
My water intake has slacked off in the last week or so.  I am working on getting it back on track.  One bottle at a time, one day at a time.

Changes I have noticed:
My belt is almost ready to go down a hole. 
Went to buy more smaller clothes.  I actually put an XL shirt back on the rack and purchased a M shirt!
I have a dress that is fitted on the rib cage.  Instead of rolls, I am starting to see the beginnings of an hourglass.
My shirts that are meant to be snug on the belly are becoming loose.
Almost jogged down the 'big hill' at the park.  So close to makeing it all the way!
I see feel muscle definition developing on my arms and my legs!
Starting to see actual measurement changes.  Small, but they do exist!

I have already packed away my mirror, so no pictures for August but I am super excited about seeing the change in September.

4 More Lbs Lost in This Cause!!!

I have been working on my lost cause with dedication for more than 2 months now.  I am up to 14 lbs lost! (and only 1/2 a lb from 15!!!)  I am so surprised to step on the scale every week and see more weight loss.  I know I am working hard, sweating out the calories and watching what I eat, but still I can't believe that it is actually working and I am losing the weight on target!
I watch all of my Lose It! friends on their journey.  We all work together, supporting and encouraging each other as we walk down the same road.  Everyone understands where you are because they are there or have been there.  We share tips, tricks, ideas, recipes, fitness plans, phone apps, anything that is related to fitness and becoming healthier. 
If a weight gain is posted, everyone is there to keep you upbeat and not let you get discouraged.  If a major burn is posted, everyone congratulates you.
I started 2 new programs this month, 1 of which was suggested from a Lose It! friend, 100 pushup challenge after I hurt my foot and was expressing concerns about the wisdom of my usual walk / bike workout.  It is getting so much attention.  More people are thinking about trying it, soon we will all be working towards 100 pushups. 
Lose It! is the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I do at night.  Any time I start feeling like I can't do it, all I do is log on, start reading and I am ready to get out there and do it. 
My grandpa was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks, and I was having a difficult time.  I wasn't exercising, eating correctly, and just generally stressed out.  Everytime I checked my email, there was such encouragment, prayers, good thoughts, completely overwhelming. 
It really is a family, united together, protecting everyone, noticing when something is wrong and trying to do something about it.

My July fitness plan / tools:
Monday -  - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 workout & continue walking / jogging my regular route at the park. 3 miles
Tuesday - EA Sports 9 Week Program Easy & Wii Fit using wiifitroutine.com rotating weight loss, strength, yoga & endurance workouts. Medium difficulty, 1 hour - 100 pushup challenge
Wednesday - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 workout & continue walking / jogging my regular route at the park. 3 miles
Thursday - EA Sports 9 Week Program Easy & Wii Fit using wiifitroutine.com rotating weight loss, strength, yoga & endurance workouts. Medium difficulty, 1 hour  - 100 pushup challenge
Friday - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 Workout & bike my regular route at the park. 3+ miles
Saturday - EA Sports 9 Week Program Easy
Sunday - EA Sports 9 Week Program Easy - 100 pushup challenge
I may not accomplish all of these everyday and obviously all outdoor activities are weather permitting, but I do have alternate indoor plans.

July exercise goals:
Get back on track with both MiCoach & EA Sports Active workouts
Recap from June exercise plan: 
I did not go swimming, but rather started EA Sports program.
I did not accomplish any of my goals in June

I hate the word diet. I can't say that I have ever attempted a diet. Lose It! is not about dieting. It is all about life style changes: committing to the long haul, losing the weight and keeping it off.

My dietary commitments to a life style change:
No bad or added carbs - means limiting pasta and bread consumption
Add fruits, veggies and protein to every meal
Drink at least 4 bottles of water a day - 96 oz
Control sodium intake

Recap from June dietary plan:
I received 19 free meals from Chick-Fil-A but it was for a chicken sandwich, fries, drink.  With grandpa in the hospital, I used many of these coupons.  Although I was eating fast food, I kept in mind my dietary plan and only ate the chicken breast from the sandwich.  I have thrown the bread away every time.
I have made a couple of pasta dishes, which are obviously added carbs, but I add so much veggies & protein that instead of being the pasta with extras that I grew up eating these are extras with pasta dishes.  For example, the other night I made:
1 cup pasta
1 1/2 cup cauliflower
1 cup broccoli
1 can tuna
Seasoning and simple olive oil dressing
With every single bite, I was getting more veggies than pasta and so delicious!  And cured the pasta craving I was having!
Another trick shared on Lose It! to avoid carbs is cauliflower rice and OMG!  So delicious!  Takes a while to prepare without a food processor, but it is a great filler to add to a stir fry and my tongue cannot tell the difference.  I have made it several times with different dishes.  I am interested in trying it with Chinese or something similar that my body is so used to have rice.  If this is successful, I can see foregoing rice on a permenant basis!  :-)

Changes I have noticed:
My belt is almost ready to go down a hole.  When I go for my walk in the park, I do actually move it down to the 2nd hole, but it would still be a hair too tight for all day long
My roommate and I went and bought new pants to fit me.  1 of the new pair are already loose.
I don't have a single shirt that is tight on my stomach anymore.  I used to have that unsightly belly button indent in my shirts...  No more!  Can't even see my stomach except in shirts that are mean to be snug.
Exercise intensity is increasing and though it is difficult, I am completing workouts I would not have imagined 3 months ago.  With grandpa in the hospital, I was not working out after work, but rather going straight to the hospital.  Once morning I woke up early and popped in a Leslie Sansone video.  When I first bought the video, at least 3 years ago, I was only able to complete 1 mile of a 4 mile workout.  The only reason I was not able to complete all 4 miles of the video is because I needed to get ready for work.  I had the stamina and ambition to keep going through the whole workout!  Also the 2 biggest hills at the park, I am able to power walk and push myself up them rather than just crawling and hoping and praying that I would make it to the top.
Comfortable enough to start jogging while on my walk
Saw a couple of friends for the first time in 2 - 4 months and they both commented on my weight loss and that I was looking good
I can feel muscle definition underneath of the fat on my arms and my legs!


I certainly can't see a difference in my pictures although with only 4 lb difference I wouldn't expect to see much.  I also realized before taking this months pictures that I needed a tighter shirt to actually be able to see a difference, hense the change in shirt for July.

10 Lbs Lost

My lost cause has already started.  I am committed to becoming a healthy and beautiful me.  In no way, shape, or form do I mean materialistically beautiful.  I mean that I will become beautiful to myself.  I have never considered myself externally beautiful no matter what my weight.  I have always believed that who I am, how I express myself, and what I represent myself as to the world, is so much more important than mere looks.  I know this goes against the norm in todays fashion model filled world, but after my life's journey, I am glad this is how I view myself.

After getting sick my senior year in high school and needed to stop all physical activity, I quickly picked up the weight, 80 pounds in 3 years.  I was able to lose about 30 pounds, but I could never get any lower.  Life happened and I gained the 30 pounds plus an additional 25.  I am now down 10 pounds from my high weight and weigh the lowest I have in 5 years.

I haven't taken full body pics in years so that I wouldn't have to see my weight gain.  If someone wanted a pic, I always tried to make sure that it wasn't evident how much I had gained. 
I joined Lose It, a weight loss and fitness community on April 23 and have found courage and support for this journey I have ahead of me.  For the first time in years, I have hope I will make it farther than I usually do.  I want to be healthy again.  I want to feel attractive again.  I want to be fit again!
As I see my friends' journeys and watch the forum on LoseIt.com, I finally found the courage to take my first full body pics showing exactly what I look like.  As I have been seeing on the scale and in the mirror, there is much room for improvement.
Good news is that I have already achieved a great milestone in 10 lbs lost. 

My June fitness plan / tools:
Monday, Wednesday - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 Workout & continue walking / jogging my regular route at the park. 3 miles
Tuesday, Thursday - Wii Fit using wiifitroutine.com rotating weight loss, strength, yoga & endurance workouts. Medium difficulty, 1 hour
Friday - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 Workout & goal is to bike my regular route at the park. 3+ miles
Saturday, Sunday - Swimming 1 lap at the pool
I may not accomplish all of these everyday and obviously all outdoor activities are weather permitting, but I do have alternate indoor plans.

June exercise goals:
Be able to jog down the entire 'big' hill at the park
Be ready to increase difficulty on the Wii to hard for July
Be ready to up my swim laps to 2 for July

I hate the word diet. I can't say that I have ever attempted a diet. Lose It is not about dieting. It is all about lifestyle changes: committing to the long haul, losing the weight and keeping it off.

My dietary commitments to a life style change:
No bad or added carbs - means limiting pasta and bread consumption
Add fruits, veggies and protein to every meal
Drink at least 4 bottles of water a day - 92 oz
Control sodium intake

Changes I have noticed:
My belt is lose
I don't have a single pair of pants that fit correctly.  Noticing loss in both waist and thighs
Shirts are starting to fit on the belly different
Fashion watch - instead of being snug to wear is now fitting comfortably
Exercise time has increase from just 30 mins up to 60 mins
Mile per minute has gone from 18+ mins to under 14 mins
Comfortable enough to start jogging while on my walk
My back injury is not irritating me as much as it used to