The Lost Gypsy

As part of Halloween fun, Airbrush Gypsy dresses up as gypsies for our shows.  Last October, I had been talking with this guy for several weeks and wanted to send him a picture of me in my crazy Halloween Gypsy get up.  I had a friend take a picture of me.  I already knew the dress was fitting me tighter than ever before, so I was sucking in my stomach to hide my 'thickness'.  After looking at the picture, I realized I was FAT.  Not chunky, or a little heavy, but FAT!  I couldn't stand to look at the picture.  A week later, I bought a Wii & Wii Fit and discovered I weighed 225 lbs.  I was blown away.  After spending my life trying to avoid the 200 mark, I had hit it and flown right past.
I am now under the 200 lb mark and flirting with kissing it goodbye forever!  As Halloween has gotten closer and closer, I wanted to do a side by side to see the changes from my fat picture and see where I really stand today.  
I put the pictures side by side and look at the different me's, but I still just see fat me.  I know I have made progress and have already had to discard clothes because they are so much too big and need to do this again, but I still can't see the differences in the pictures below.
However I am grateful for 2 huge differences below that encourage me to keep going.
 - I had to drastically tighten the laces in the bodice, but still couldn't get the dress to lay correctly.  Also I had to 'place' the dress in the correct position on my body because it is way too big for me now and won't 'wear' correctly.
 - The angle between the brown bodice and the lace skirt is almost horizontal in last year's  picture, but this year, actually looks like a bodice should.
As my friends on Lose It know, I have serious self image issues and being able to see the loss.  This picture though, I am hoping, will be the start of breaking down that wall so that I can find the new me as I continue this journey!

A Look Behind the Scenes

Most everyone involved in my life since August knows I have been through quite a lot.  I have moved a couple of times, had some nightmarish experiences with my roommates, and just can't manage to find where I am today.
Through the end of August and much of September, I was avoiding home like the plague.  My exercise time shot through the roof because I was walking at the local park to waste time.  Every single meal I ate was prepared by someone other than me and more often than not was fast food.  My fabulous counting water bottle was damaged and wouldn't close anymore so my water consumption drastically dropped because I wasn't able to push myself to hit 3 or 4 refills a day.  Through all of this, I still managed to lose over 10 lbs by October 1, pushing me over 25 lbs total.  I contribute every ounce of this loss to the stress that I went through with my roommate.  I was not doing a single thing correct in the weight loss game, except exercising.
I moved into a new place, but am still dealing with roommate drama.  We are in the first baby steps of setting up house and so we are missing a lot of necessary kitchen products.  Still having issues preparing my food and having a healthy breakfast and lunch.  Dinner is getting marginally better, but still not where it needs to be.
I have gained several pounds back in the last few weeks, which I expected and wanted after everything I went through in September, but my head still seems to be not in the game.  While I am still logging, I am not as diligent as I once was.  I have increased my fitness routine and am doing fabulous, loving it, relaxing my soul as much as I can, but food just is beating me right now.  I am making changes, but sometimes I have troubles remembering why I need to keep moving forward.  
The positive changes that I celebrated and loved for 4 months were clouded over, muddied up, and just generally lost over the last 8 weeks.
Every day I am living my life, watching myself make choices that I would have not even thought about 2 months ago and now, it is so easy to go buy that Mountain Dew, or that pizza, or make the choice to not prepare my lunch for work.  
I continue to live, making a few good choices, not allowing myself to back slide completely, but looking for that determination that I embraced, looking for that motivation to make that next positive step, looking for that inner peace needed so much so I can get my head in the game and keep going.  
I am on a weight loss journey.  There will be hills and valleys and sometimes I will take a left turn and end up in the thicket.  I know this is where I am now.  I know that if I keep walking, taking that next step, I will get to somewhere I know.  Yes, I might step into a hole and fall, but I will pick myself back up, bandage up the wounds, and take my next step.  When I cross the finish line to a healthier me, I will know that I am stronger and better for having taken this journey.
Thank you to everyone who holds my hand, picks me up when I fall, and offers a bandaid when I need it.  Each of you helps me to move forward each day!

Re-Evaluating Goals

A friend posted on my wall several weeks ago asking what the goal is I am working toward.  What is it that keeps me motivated as I pursue my weight loss journey? 

I couldn't answer the question. 

I mean, I want to get healthy and the clothes I had at the beginning of this journey were getting too small.  I was looking at needing to buy size 20 pants and had already started buying XXL shirts.  To me, this was disgusting.    Things needed to change and fast!  All of this started me down the road leading me to this question posted on my wall. 

In the last several weeks, this question keeps floating around in my mind.  Being healthy is not enough of a goal.  I mean, what is healthy?  A healthy weight?  A healthy BMI?  A healthy BF%?  There are so many variables, which one do I choose, when do I decide that 'healthy' is here?  Obviously weight, BMI & BF% are all great ways to measure one's health, but I needed something more, something concrete, a sense of accomplishment, not just looking at a number.

As my fitness level has increase in the last few months, I have started jogging during my usual walking route and I have 3 goals: 
short term - being able to jog down the 'big hill'
middle - being able to keep going around the pond and finish my route
end goal - being able to jog and even run the entire route

During my stretching routines before and after workouts, I enjoy seeing the new flexibility that I have gained.  When I first started, I could barely get my hands past my knees, now I can almost put my hands flat on the ground when bending over.  A new goal for me is to be able to do a full split.  This is something I was never able to do growing up, but I want to be able to do as an adult.

My final goal has to do with the fact I have always wanted to learn ballroom dance since there was  a swing dance class offered while I was in HS.  My body has never been strong enough to endure any type of dancing and yet I still would love to learn ballroom. 

This is my end goal. 

I want to be able to learn ballroom dancing!

Almost on hold, but continuing to push!

I have been working on my lost cause with dedication for more than 3 months now. I am up to 18 lbs lost! (and only 1.8 lb from 20!!!)  This week was a rather large drop and I will not be able to weigh in again until August 23.  Concerned about the weight going back up, but if I keep my hard work focused then I should still post a loss on the 23rd.  I am in the process of moving.  Packing up the old place now.  Painting and moving next week and then unpacking the following week.  Big housewarming / Labor Day Weekend Bash being planned for September 2 to welcome everyone to the new house.  Going to have a very hectic August, already very crazy.  This entire summer has just been a major struggle for me to stay where I want in regards to an exercise schedule & healthy eating.  I have done 'ok', but know that I can do so much better.  I really am hoping that once the weather calms down and I recover from my move that I will be in a much better position.
I altered the pushup challenge.  The challenge outlined by the offical 100 pushup challenge was too strenuous for me to complete yet.  I have changed to a different system although it has been put on hold pending the move.
Also, the Wii workouts have been put on hold as our living room has more boxes than space.  My plan is to go to the park everyday I can for a walk.  If the heat is too high, then I will swim.  If it is raining, then I am either taking a rest day or attempt to find the room for a Sworkit workout.
My water intake has slacked off in the last week or so.  I am working on getting it back on track.  One bottle at a time, one day at a time.

Changes I have noticed:
My belt is almost ready to go down a hole. 
Went to buy more smaller clothes.  I actually put an XL shirt back on the rack and purchased a M shirt!
I have a dress that is fitted on the rib cage.  Instead of rolls, I am starting to see the beginnings of an hourglass.
My shirts that are meant to be snug on the belly are becoming loose.
Almost jogged down the 'big hill' at the park.  So close to makeing it all the way!
I see feel muscle definition developing on my arms and my legs!
Starting to see actual measurement changes.  Small, but they do exist!

I have already packed away my mirror, so no pictures for August but I am super excited about seeing the change in September.

Zucchini sausage alfredo

Who says you can't enjoy some carbs occasionally?
I had some sausage defrosted and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with it.  For some odd reason, meatballs is what stuck in my mind.  And what to eat with my meatballs...  I already knew my delicious zucchini from the farmers market was gonna be involved.  I finally decided on spaghetti provided I still had any whole grain spaghetti left.  I did!  :-)  Started my meatballs cooking and water boiling while trying to pull the rest of dinner together.  Pulled a carrot and a couple of mushrooms out of the fridge and grabbed Alfredo sauce from the pantry.  Things were starting to look up!  After slicing and dicing and serving things up, my plate looked gorgeous!  Just a little pasta on the bottom, finely coated with Alfredo sauce and heaped with a generous portion of zucchini and sausage!  Punched the recipe into Lose It and only 250 calories for a gigantic plate of food!  Dinner is good tonight!  Enjoy!

4 More Lbs Lost in This Cause!!!

I have been working on my lost cause with dedication for more than 2 months now.  I am up to 14 lbs lost! (and only 1/2 a lb from 15!!!)  I am so surprised to step on the scale every week and see more weight loss.  I know I am working hard, sweating out the calories and watching what I eat, but still I can't believe that it is actually working and I am losing the weight on target!
I watch all of my Lose It! friends on their journey.  We all work together, supporting and encouraging each other as we walk down the same road.  Everyone understands where you are because they are there or have been there.  We share tips, tricks, ideas, recipes, fitness plans, phone apps, anything that is related to fitness and becoming healthier. 
If a weight gain is posted, everyone is there to keep you upbeat and not let you get discouraged.  If a major burn is posted, everyone congratulates you.
I started 2 new programs this month, 1 of which was suggested from a Lose It! friend, 100 pushup challenge after I hurt my foot and was expressing concerns about the wisdom of my usual walk / bike workout.  It is getting so much attention.  More people are thinking about trying it, soon we will all be working towards 100 pushups. 
Lose It! is the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I do at night.  Any time I start feeling like I can't do it, all I do is log on, start reading and I am ready to get out there and do it. 
My grandpa was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks, and I was having a difficult time.  I wasn't exercising, eating correctly, and just generally stressed out.  Everytime I checked my email, there was such encouragment, prayers, good thoughts, completely overwhelming. 
It really is a family, united together, protecting everyone, noticing when something is wrong and trying to do something about it.

My July fitness plan / tools:
Monday -  - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 workout & continue walking / jogging my regular route at the park. 3 miles
Tuesday - EA Sports 9 Week Program Easy & Wii Fit using wiifitroutine.com rotating weight loss, strength, yoga & endurance workouts. Medium difficulty, 1 hour - 100 pushup challenge
Wednesday - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 workout & continue walking / jogging my regular route at the park. 3 miles
Thursday - EA Sports 9 Week Program Easy & Wii Fit using wiifitroutine.com rotating weight loss, strength, yoga & endurance workouts. Medium difficulty, 1 hour  - 100 pushup challenge
Friday - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 Workout & bike my regular route at the park. 3+ miles
Saturday - EA Sports 9 Week Program Easy
Sunday - EA Sports 9 Week Program Easy - 100 pushup challenge
I may not accomplish all of these everyday and obviously all outdoor activities are weather permitting, but I do have alternate indoor plans.

July exercise goals:
Get back on track with both MiCoach & EA Sports Active workouts
Recap from June exercise plan: 
I did not go swimming, but rather started EA Sports program.
I did not accomplish any of my goals in June

I hate the word diet. I can't say that I have ever attempted a diet. Lose It! is not about dieting. It is all about life style changes: committing to the long haul, losing the weight and keeping it off.

My dietary commitments to a life style change:
No bad or added carbs - means limiting pasta and bread consumption
Add fruits, veggies and protein to every meal
Drink at least 4 bottles of water a day - 96 oz
Control sodium intake

Recap from June dietary plan:
I received 19 free meals from Chick-Fil-A but it was for a chicken sandwich, fries, drink.  With grandpa in the hospital, I used many of these coupons.  Although I was eating fast food, I kept in mind my dietary plan and only ate the chicken breast from the sandwich.  I have thrown the bread away every time.
I have made a couple of pasta dishes, which are obviously added carbs, but I add so much veggies & protein that instead of being the pasta with extras that I grew up eating these are extras with pasta dishes.  For example, the other night I made:
1 cup pasta
1 1/2 cup cauliflower
1 cup broccoli
1 can tuna
Seasoning and simple olive oil dressing
With every single bite, I was getting more veggies than pasta and so delicious!  And cured the pasta craving I was having!
Another trick shared on Lose It! to avoid carbs is cauliflower rice and OMG!  So delicious!  Takes a while to prepare without a food processor, but it is a great filler to add to a stir fry and my tongue cannot tell the difference.  I have made it several times with different dishes.  I am interested in trying it with Chinese or something similar that my body is so used to have rice.  If this is successful, I can see foregoing rice on a permenant basis!  :-)

Changes I have noticed:
My belt is almost ready to go down a hole.  When I go for my walk in the park, I do actually move it down to the 2nd hole, but it would still be a hair too tight for all day long
My roommate and I went and bought new pants to fit me.  1 of the new pair are already loose.
I don't have a single shirt that is tight on my stomach anymore.  I used to have that unsightly belly button indent in my shirts...  No more!  Can't even see my stomach except in shirts that are mean to be snug.
Exercise intensity is increasing and though it is difficult, I am completing workouts I would not have imagined 3 months ago.  With grandpa in the hospital, I was not working out after work, but rather going straight to the hospital.  Once morning I woke up early and popped in a Leslie Sansone video.  When I first bought the video, at least 3 years ago, I was only able to complete 1 mile of a 4 mile workout.  The only reason I was not able to complete all 4 miles of the video is because I needed to get ready for work.  I had the stamina and ambition to keep going through the whole workout!  Also the 2 biggest hills at the park, I am able to power walk and push myself up them rather than just crawling and hoping and praying that I would make it to the top.
Comfortable enough to start jogging while on my walk
Saw a couple of friends for the first time in 2 - 4 months and they both commented on my weight loss and that I was looking good
I can feel muscle definition underneath of the fat on my arms and my legs!


I certainly can't see a difference in my pictures although with only 4 lb difference I wouldn't expect to see much.  I also realized before taking this months pictures that I needed a tighter shirt to actually be able to see a difference, hense the change in shirt for July.

10 Lbs Lost

My lost cause has already started.  I am committed to becoming a healthy and beautiful me.  In no way, shape, or form do I mean materialistically beautiful.  I mean that I will become beautiful to myself.  I have never considered myself externally beautiful no matter what my weight.  I have always believed that who I am, how I express myself, and what I represent myself as to the world, is so much more important than mere looks.  I know this goes against the norm in todays fashion model filled world, but after my life's journey, I am glad this is how I view myself.

After getting sick my senior year in high school and needed to stop all physical activity, I quickly picked up the weight, 80 pounds in 3 years.  I was able to lose about 30 pounds, but I could never get any lower.  Life happened and I gained the 30 pounds plus an additional 25.  I am now down 10 pounds from my high weight and weigh the lowest I have in 5 years.

I haven't taken full body pics in years so that I wouldn't have to see my weight gain.  If someone wanted a pic, I always tried to make sure that it wasn't evident how much I had gained. 
I joined Lose It, a weight loss and fitness community on April 23 and have found courage and support for this journey I have ahead of me.  For the first time in years, I have hope I will make it farther than I usually do.  I want to be healthy again.  I want to feel attractive again.  I want to be fit again!
As I see my friends' journeys and watch the forum on LoseIt.com, I finally found the courage to take my first full body pics showing exactly what I look like.  As I have been seeing on the scale and in the mirror, there is much room for improvement.
Good news is that I have already achieved a great milestone in 10 lbs lost. 

My June fitness plan / tools:
Monday, Wednesday - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 Workout & continue walking / jogging my regular route at the park. 3 miles
Tuesday, Thursday - Wii Fit using wiifitroutine.com rotating weight loss, strength, yoga & endurance workouts. Medium difficulty, 1 hour
Friday - Adidas MiCoach Lose Weight Level 2 Workout & goal is to bike my regular route at the park. 3+ miles
Saturday, Sunday - Swimming 1 lap at the pool
I may not accomplish all of these everyday and obviously all outdoor activities are weather permitting, but I do have alternate indoor plans.

June exercise goals:
Be able to jog down the entire 'big' hill at the park
Be ready to increase difficulty on the Wii to hard for July
Be ready to up my swim laps to 2 for July

I hate the word diet. I can't say that I have ever attempted a diet. Lose It is not about dieting. It is all about lifestyle changes: committing to the long haul, losing the weight and keeping it off.

My dietary commitments to a life style change:
No bad or added carbs - means limiting pasta and bread consumption
Add fruits, veggies and protein to every meal
Drink at least 4 bottles of water a day - 92 oz
Control sodium intake

Changes I have noticed:
My belt is lose
I don't have a single pair of pants that fit correctly.  Noticing loss in both waist and thighs
Shirts are starting to fit on the belly different
Fashion watch - instead of being snug to wear is now fitting comfortably
Exercise time has increase from just 30 mins up to 60 mins
Mile per minute has gone from 18+ mins to under 14 mins
Comfortable enough to start jogging while on my walk
My back injury is not irritating me as much as it used to