What the Burpee?

I was invited to join a 100 day Burpee Challenge on Lose It starting November 1.  I received the invitation around October 25.  After checking out the challenge and the referenced link for more information, I was very hesitant to sign up for this challenge.  I'm ok with the squat portion as all of my strength is in my legs, but the push up?  And it is a real push up not just a girly, from the knees push up...  Can I really do this?  I have no core strength at all!
But I start with just 1 and then 2 and then 3...  That's not so hard...
But there aren't any rest days and my body is going to be so stressed...
Can you tell I over think things way too much?  
It took me 3 full days to decide I was at least going to try the challenge.  If I couldn't do it, there is no shame in dropping out.
I did my very first burpee ever on November 1.  And it wasn't that bad!
November 2 - going good!
November 3 - Ummm...  Starting to feel this!
November 5 - What did I sign up for!!!
Nevertheless, I kept going and although it wasn't easy and some days I had to push myself harder than others, I did it for 20 days straight.  
Now before you start calling me a quitter, my calves were killing me from starting to move the weekend before and since I was going to need to be carrying furniture and doing a million stairs in the coming weekend, I made the choice to take a temporary break.  I made up 3 days on Sunday the 25th, but Monday I was unable to pull my legs back up once.  I have since caught up 2 more days.  I still have 5 days to get back on target, but I am going to do it!!!  One day at a time, I am going to complete this challenge!
Even still with my flaking out, my arms are getting stronger, my stomach isn't hurting as much and is slimming down, my legs are becoming almost rock hard.  I can't wait for 70 more days to see what my body is looking and feeling like then!!!  

Lil Black Dress

Found myself at Target's clearance rack last night.  While looking for something cute to wear, I found this dress that just screamed for me to try it on.  Nothing special about it, just a simple black dress with an ugly teal belt attached, but still  it found its way into my cart.  It is November and starting to get a little chilly and the dress is a sleeveless dress.  Knowing that I don't have anything in my wardrobe that I could wear over it, naturally I started looking for some type of jacket to coordinate.  I found a faux leather jacket with a simple cut that seemed to match the jacket well.  At this point I head to the dressing rooms to see if I really want this dress.  You see, I am not really a 'dress' kind of girl, a nice skirt, yes, but an actual dress?  Not really...
I try on the dress, cinch up the ugly belt, look in the mirror, and holy cow!  Who is that sophisticated and grown up, almost sexy, looking woman?  Wow!  A dress makes me feel like this?  I can't believe it, but I have got to buy this dress!!!  And the ugly belt?  Who knew that the designer actually knows how to finish the look.  Not only will it get worn, but I need to buy a whole rainbow of ugly belts to change up the look.
I slip the jacket over the dress and the look is complete.
A small fortune (according to my bank account) later and I am walking out of Target with a huge smile on my face.  I need to find a reason to wear this dress and often!!!
I know I still have a ways to go until my goal weight, but with any luck this dress will continue to fit for awhile.  Unfortunately, I don't have the same hopes for the jacket, but this dress is what makes it for me.
I, now, own my first lil black dress!  And, man, do I feel like a woman!!!

Turning It All Over

January 2012 I was turned down for an apartment, but I was determined to move into the city.  I started looking everywhere for someplace to live.  
While driving to check out a very nice garage apartment, I was praying for God to show me where he wanted me to be.  I remember praying for Him to show me where He wanted me to be.  That moving into the city would get me back into His house and allow me to grow much closer to Him.  I fell in love with the apartment and was determined to get it.  
The next day, I was to meet with a Christian woman to do a roomshare.  I was really interested in moving in with someone, especially after looking at the apartment the night before.  Again I prayed the same prayer from the night before, asking for Him to show me where He wanted me to be.  My future roommate walked into my life and I never looked back.  I knew without a doubt that this is where I was supposed to be very quickly.  We clicked immediately!  
My prayers were answered as I found an ideal place to live, a great roommate and even more importantly wonderful friend, and I did get back into church, a fabulous church and family that is helping me grow into a better person and discover the Christian that He wants me to be.
So how does all of this answered prayers relate to Lost Causes and my journey of discovering who I am?  Last night while having a discussion with my friend, I was talking about this story of meeting her and how I received such a clear answer to my prayers, but it took me over 6 months of living, growth and discovery to make the realization that if He worked a housing miracle into my life, why couldn't He find the Mr. Right that I am looking for?  Not that I am in hurry, not interested in a Mr. Right Now, but the real deal, Mr. Right, the one that I will still be with in 50 years provided I am blessed to live that long.  
So I have started praying for Him to show me the way, show me the man that will guide me the rest of my life, the man that will walk side by side with me through this life, this journey, and be with me while sitting at Christ's table in heaven.  Wow!  I can't even imagine how blessed I will be to find this man, but I know that all is in His hands, as long as I can keep myself out of the trouble I always manage to find.
I asked why was I so stupid?  Why did it take me so long to figure this out?  
Her response, 'You are still learning.'
With a friend like this, all I can do is say thank you again for that day that I did not want to move in with a roommate and yet I put my life into God's hands to let Him guide me.  
And I do it again today, tomorrow and the day after.  I want to keep learning every day of my life to pray for more miracles in my life, for His hand to bless me as I walk!  May He bless you as well for reading this and taking interest in my Lost Cause!

The Lost Gypsy

As part of Halloween fun, Airbrush Gypsy dresses up as gypsies for our shows.  Last October, I had been talking with this guy for several weeks and wanted to send him a picture of me in my crazy Halloween Gypsy get up.  I had a friend take a picture of me.  I already knew the dress was fitting me tighter than ever before, so I was sucking in my stomach to hide my 'thickness'.  After looking at the picture, I realized I was FAT.  Not chunky, or a little heavy, but FAT!  I couldn't stand to look at the picture.  A week later, I bought a Wii & Wii Fit and discovered I weighed 225 lbs.  I was blown away.  After spending my life trying to avoid the 200 mark, I had hit it and flown right past.
I am now under the 200 lb mark and flirting with kissing it goodbye forever!  As Halloween has gotten closer and closer, I wanted to do a side by side to see the changes from my fat picture and see where I really stand today.  
I put the pictures side by side and look at the different me's, but I still just see fat me.  I know I have made progress and have already had to discard clothes because they are so much too big and need to do this again, but I still can't see the differences in the pictures below.
However I am grateful for 2 huge differences below that encourage me to keep going.
 - I had to drastically tighten the laces in the bodice, but still couldn't get the dress to lay correctly.  Also I had to 'place' the dress in the correct position on my body because it is way too big for me now and won't 'wear' correctly.
 - The angle between the brown bodice and the lace skirt is almost horizontal in last year's  picture, but this year, actually looks like a bodice should.
As my friends on Lose It know, I have serious self image issues and being able to see the loss.  This picture though, I am hoping, will be the start of breaking down that wall so that I can find the new me as I continue this journey!

A Look Behind the Scenes

Most everyone involved in my life since August knows I have been through quite a lot.  I have moved a couple of times, had some nightmarish experiences with my roommates, and just can't manage to find where I am today.
Through the end of August and much of September, I was avoiding home like the plague.  My exercise time shot through the roof because I was walking at the local park to waste time.  Every single meal I ate was prepared by someone other than me and more often than not was fast food.  My fabulous counting water bottle was damaged and wouldn't close anymore so my water consumption drastically dropped because I wasn't able to push myself to hit 3 or 4 refills a day.  Through all of this, I still managed to lose over 10 lbs by October 1, pushing me over 25 lbs total.  I contribute every ounce of this loss to the stress that I went through with my roommate.  I was not doing a single thing correct in the weight loss game, except exercising.
I moved into a new place, but am still dealing with roommate drama.  We are in the first baby steps of setting up house and so we are missing a lot of necessary kitchen products.  Still having issues preparing my food and having a healthy breakfast and lunch.  Dinner is getting marginally better, but still not where it needs to be.
I have gained several pounds back in the last few weeks, which I expected and wanted after everything I went through in September, but my head still seems to be not in the game.  While I am still logging, I am not as diligent as I once was.  I have increased my fitness routine and am doing fabulous, loving it, relaxing my soul as much as I can, but food just is beating me right now.  I am making changes, but sometimes I have troubles remembering why I need to keep moving forward.  
The positive changes that I celebrated and loved for 4 months were clouded over, muddied up, and just generally lost over the last 8 weeks.
Every day I am living my life, watching myself make choices that I would have not even thought about 2 months ago and now, it is so easy to go buy that Mountain Dew, or that pizza, or make the choice to not prepare my lunch for work.  
I continue to live, making a few good choices, not allowing myself to back slide completely, but looking for that determination that I embraced, looking for that motivation to make that next positive step, looking for that inner peace needed so much so I can get my head in the game and keep going.  
I am on a weight loss journey.  There will be hills and valleys and sometimes I will take a left turn and end up in the thicket.  I know this is where I am now.  I know that if I keep walking, taking that next step, I will get to somewhere I know.  Yes, I might step into a hole and fall, but I will pick myself back up, bandage up the wounds, and take my next step.  When I cross the finish line to a healthier me, I will know that I am stronger and better for having taken this journey.
Thank you to everyone who holds my hand, picks me up when I fall, and offers a bandaid when I need it.  Each of you helps me to move forward each day!

Re-Evaluating Goals

A friend posted on my wall several weeks ago asking what the goal is I am working toward.  What is it that keeps me motivated as I pursue my weight loss journey? 

I couldn't answer the question. 

I mean, I want to get healthy and the clothes I had at the beginning of this journey were getting too small.  I was looking at needing to buy size 20 pants and had already started buying XXL shirts.  To me, this was disgusting.    Things needed to change and fast!  All of this started me down the road leading me to this question posted on my wall. 

In the last several weeks, this question keeps floating around in my mind.  Being healthy is not enough of a goal.  I mean, what is healthy?  A healthy weight?  A healthy BMI?  A healthy BF%?  There are so many variables, which one do I choose, when do I decide that 'healthy' is here?  Obviously weight, BMI & BF% are all great ways to measure one's health, but I needed something more, something concrete, a sense of accomplishment, not just looking at a number.

As my fitness level has increase in the last few months, I have started jogging during my usual walking route and I have 3 goals: 
short term - being able to jog down the 'big hill'
middle - being able to keep going around the pond and finish my route
end goal - being able to jog and even run the entire route

During my stretching routines before and after workouts, I enjoy seeing the new flexibility that I have gained.  When I first started, I could barely get my hands past my knees, now I can almost put my hands flat on the ground when bending over.  A new goal for me is to be able to do a full split.  This is something I was never able to do growing up, but I want to be able to do as an adult.

My final goal has to do with the fact I have always wanted to learn ballroom dance since there was  a swing dance class offered while I was in HS.  My body has never been strong enough to endure any type of dancing and yet I still would love to learn ballroom. 

This is my end goal. 

I want to be able to learn ballroom dancing!

Almost on hold, but continuing to push!

I have been working on my lost cause with dedication for more than 3 months now. I am up to 18 lbs lost! (and only 1.8 lb from 20!!!)  This week was a rather large drop and I will not be able to weigh in again until August 23.  Concerned about the weight going back up, but if I keep my hard work focused then I should still post a loss on the 23rd.  I am in the process of moving.  Packing up the old place now.  Painting and moving next week and then unpacking the following week.  Big housewarming / Labor Day Weekend Bash being planned for September 2 to welcome everyone to the new house.  Going to have a very hectic August, already very crazy.  This entire summer has just been a major struggle for me to stay where I want in regards to an exercise schedule & healthy eating.  I have done 'ok', but know that I can do so much better.  I really am hoping that once the weather calms down and I recover from my move that I will be in a much better position.
I altered the pushup challenge.  The challenge outlined by the offical 100 pushup challenge was too strenuous for me to complete yet.  I have changed to a different system although it has been put on hold pending the move.
Also, the Wii workouts have been put on hold as our living room has more boxes than space.  My plan is to go to the park everyday I can for a walk.  If the heat is too high, then I will swim.  If it is raining, then I am either taking a rest day or attempt to find the room for a Sworkit workout.
My water intake has slacked off in the last week or so.  I am working on getting it back on track.  One bottle at a time, one day at a time.

Changes I have noticed:
My belt is almost ready to go down a hole. 
Went to buy more smaller clothes.  I actually put an XL shirt back on the rack and purchased a M shirt!
I have a dress that is fitted on the rib cage.  Instead of rolls, I am starting to see the beginnings of an hourglass.
My shirts that are meant to be snug on the belly are becoming loose.
Almost jogged down the 'big hill' at the park.  So close to makeing it all the way!
I see feel muscle definition developing on my arms and my legs!
Starting to see actual measurement changes.  Small, but they do exist!

I have already packed away my mirror, so no pictures for August but I am super excited about seeing the change in September.