Make Your Own TV Dinner (or Lunch)

I can't tell you the number of times I've had a conversation with someone about eating healthy and changing food habits.  When talking about work lunches, an almost equal number of responses of Lean Cuisine, or some other variety of frozen meals.
I get it.  They are easy, affordable, don't take up a ton of room in the fridge / freeze, and it is made by Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice or whatever so it has to be good for me, right?
An example of a Lean Cuisine meal:
Chicken & Veggies
Calories: 240
Fat: 5g
Cholesterol: 30 mg
Sodium: 648 mg
Fiber: 3.6 g
Protein: 20 g
I know some of the nutritional data is missing, but I pulled this from the Lose It database.

Last year, when I moved in with the most awesome roommate (I know you are tired of hear about her, but really!!!!), she introduced, to me, something that will change the way I cook for the rest of my life.  She would have these cooking parties, usually at 3:00 AM, waking me up as I hear the sounds of pots and pans clanging in the middle of the night, but the next morning, I would wake up to anywhere from 3 - 6 huge meals, individually portioned and packaged, some in the fridge, some in the freezer.  And we wouldn't have to do much cooking until our 'homemade TV dinners' ran out!!!!
I would do this, and could easily go 3 weeks without needing to cook a lunch or dinner!!!  
I will say that only having the 2 of us living in the apartment and having a general agreement on most things made this much easier.  If I were to try this now, living back at home with anywhere from 2 - 4 other people in the house, there would be a massacre over space in the fridge and freezer, and probably a free for all on my food and I would be doing it all over again tomorrow...  

But still, I have adapted and now make some seriously killer 'TV dinner (lunches)'.
I found these nice divided containers at the local grocery store.  Maybe $4 for 2.  I recommend you buy enough to last a full work week.  The containers I bought have a 1/2 section, a 1 cup section, and a generally large space.
The food chosen has a lot to do with the food I like to eat and my own calorie budget of over 2500 calories.  Someone with a smaller budget of 1500 - 2000 calories, would need to make some adjustments.
Let me tell you, hitting 2500 calories in a day is not an easy thing to do without hitting up the nearest fast food joint.  And that 240 calorie Lean Cuisine listed above....  Doesn't do squat towards hitting my budget!!!!  Also, check out the sodium level.  Over 600 mg for only 240 calories!!!!  That is 2.7 mg of sodium per calorie!  The average sodium budget is 2300 mg.  With just these 240 calories, I have used almost 1/3 of my days sodium!
I always start my lunch with some fruit.  Fresh if I can, but honestly, canned is cheaper and last longer... (Ugh!  The pros and cons of canned food!)  1 serving of fruit is 1/2 cup.  Why stop there?  I fill the 1 cup section with fruit.  2 servings of fruit, right off the top!  :-)
After fruit is veggies right?  I generally switch it up between various frozen veggie varieties.  Someday, I may precook fresh veggies, but honestly, just about anything I use is going to be better than TV dinner veggies.  Again, 1/2 cup is a serving, so lets make it a full cup.  It goes into the large space.
Next we need protein and lots of it!  I aim for 20% of my diet to be protein and that takes a lot of protein!  4 oz of chicken.  I find the freezer section to be my friend again.  There are several options of precooked chicken, whole, sliced, or diced.  After I finish up the current bag of frozen chicken I have, I will be switching to fresh chicken, precooked using my own recipe so I can change the flavor from week to week.
I don't think that is enough protein for me though and I am an egg-aholic, so I scramble up 2 eggs and add it to the large section as well.
This week, in an effort to add more calories, because I was still too far from my 2500 budget, I added a little bit (1/2 cup) of instant rice.  In the future, this may change to brown rice, but I haven't gotten along with brown rice up to this point, so I am not sure we will be friends in the future....
I also love dairy, especially cheese.  If I could eat cheese every day, all day, I would!  Love cheese!  So I add a mozzarella cheese stick to the top of the large section. 
And because I have behaved up to this point and ate my yummy and healthy lunch, I add just 1/2 cup of pita chips to satisfy any salt or crunchy craving I may be experiencing.
My TV dinner (lunch):
Calories: 788
Fat: 27 g   (31%)
Cholesterol: 489.4 mg
Carbs:  83.8 g  (42.8%)
Sodium: 1011 mg
Fiber: 3.4 g
Protein: 41.2 g  (26.2%)

I could still use to add some more calories into this.  I think ideally, about 1000 calories would be very solid.  The cholesterol is higher than the Lean Cuisine, but cholesterol is not something I am overly concerned with.  Sodium is only 1.28 mg / calorie.  Over 50% reduction from Lean Cuisine!  I included the percentages so that we can see that protein is 26.2% of the meal.  That is very healthy for my chosen lifestyle of at least 20% protein.
Obviously this is not the perfect meal for everyone, but it takes me 30 minutes to prep my meals for the week and I get to eat like this, instead of the offerings from the fast food joint across the street?  I am certainly very happy with this.
Hopefully you will give it a try.  Please let me know what you use.  I may just borrow your idea and use it in my lunches next week.  :-)

Single Digit Pant Size

Last week was a tough week for me.  Had some self confidence issues, some perception issues, some guy issues.  Not sure that this week will be any better, but a couple of conversations with friends and a blog by my roommate from last year have the blog wheels spinning in my head.
Quick, or not so quick, recap:
November 2011 - I was facing size 20 pants and refused to make that purchase, so I bought a Wii and Wii Fit, discovered I weighed 225 lbs, my highest weight ever!!!!
April 2012 - Joined Lose It, discovered I weighed 215 lbs.  Decided on a goal weight of 150 lbs
After joining Lose It, I dived head first into the forums, read everything I could.  If I was going to make a concentrated effort to lose weight, then I was going to do it with all the ammunition I could find!  
Fall 2012 - I hit 200 lbs and everyone kept telling me that I looked so good and I didn't need to lose anymore weight, but I was still so far from my goal!  And still looked so fat!  I started doing more research and got into body fat percentages.  I don't know what percentage I first picked (should have been somewhere in the high 20's), but the weight that corresponded to it was 165 lbs.  I felt that changing my goal was ok to keep me still looking feminine, without draining myself mentally trying to hit a number that was never going to be possible!
December 2012 - I hit my low weight of 194.9 lbs, 25 lbs lost!  Amazing!!!!!  I, also, bought my first pair of size 14 pants in ages!!!!
January 2013 - I joined the gym and promptly picked up 5 lbs and kept gaining weight!
February 2013 - I lost 2% body fat!
March 2013 - I lost a total of 6"!
April 2013 - I lost 1% body fat!
May 2013 - I lost 1% body fat!
June 2013 - I lost 1% body fat!  I now weigh 210.3 lbs!!!
I am less than 5 lbs from when I started Lose It and with an average of 3 lbs gain a month, I will reach my start LI weight by the end of the summer and it is very likely that I will exceed my high weight by the end of the year!
I am never going to be able to hit 150, 165, or any other weight, because as I continue with my training, I am continuing to build muscle and that old adage is true: muscle really does weigh more than fat!
I am gaining inches in all the right places (arms and legs) and losing inches in all the right places (waist and hips).
After abandoning my weight goals earlier this year, I started thinking about what other goals I could come up with besides just my 18% bf goal.  I decided I wanted to fit into single digit pants!  My trainer said, 'You might not lose anymore weight, but we can definitely trim size!'  I was excited!!!
Last week, she asked me how many sizes I had lost since joining the gym.  She couldn't believe that I said none!!!!  We started talking about my progress (which has been amazing!) and all of a sudden it dawned on me....  All of my power is in my legs and we keep emphasising my leg work and I have gained inches in my legs and the pants in my 'not quite yet' bag won't fit over my legs...
Guess what???  My bodybuilding efforts, my increased inches in my thighs, currently at 21", will never fit into anything smaller than a 14 - 16!!!!
So yet again, I am searching for a new goal...  A new way to define my end game...  Today I don't know what that will be...  But remember...  Just because you can't hit that number on the scale, does not mean that you are not winning this fight!!!  There are lots of ways to measure success.  You just need to find the one that works for you!

Self Confidence

I have no problem telling you that I have an extreme lack of self confidence.  I can talk a good game and hide it sometimes, but I know deep down inside I am fat, ugly and way too damn tall for a girl...
Yes, as I have gotten older, I realize that I'm not really fat, just a big girl, and certainly getting smaller as the days go by, but I will never have a 28" waist again and will definitely never see 100 lbs again.  I'm not really sure that I would want to go back to being that small.  Finding clothes that fit was next to impossible!!!  I spent most of junior high wearing mens pants because woman's pants either fit at the waist, or they fit the legs...  Never both!
I know I am not really ugly, just not classically beautiful and I certainly can dress myself up to look passable.  I have a great hair stylist now that has definitely taken my hair from drab to fab.  Also, not cutting my own hair and coloring out of a box, might have something to do with the increase in attractiveness of my hair.  My face, my teeth, my body, well...  I am doing what I can, but I am not on any Vogue waiting lists for the next cover model.
In regards to being too tall...  I used to love it...  Getting told that if I kept going I would make a fabulous basketball player...  being able to reach the top shelf...  wearing heels and hitting 6' tall...  It was really awesome being freakishly tall as a kid...  But I never did get tall enough to make a decent ball player and my talent level is somewhat lacking...  hitting 6' tall doesn't seem as important now that most everyone I know is under 6' and I don't like feeling like a giant...
All in all...  I just add up to a mess...
And then men come into the picture...
Since moving to the South, doors get held open more often, and friendly smiles abound much more than in the cold North.  Not trying to tear NYS down, just stating simple facts that life really does have a different speed down here...  If you break down on the side of the road, multiple people will stop to see if you are ok, instead of just driving past...  Random people will wave as you drive down a back country road...  I really have fallen in love with the South and don't know that I could ever move back to New York.
But guys...  From the dirty construction worker looking at me like I am naked to the older gentleman that gets a spring in his step because he got to hold open the door for a pretty young thing, I just don't feel like I deserve their attention!  And then you find that guy, that just takes your breath away...  He is so gorgeous, and built like you can't even believe!  And he stops and smiles at you and asks if you are having a good day...  And all you want to do is melt because you can't believe that he is looking at you...
And then...  He leaves and you wonder why he even saw you...  You know you are nothing special...  And he was off the charts hot...
These are the moments that are happening more often to me...
It doesn't matter that I lost 30 lbs of fat.  It doesn't matter that I am starting to allow myself to dress more like a woman.  It doesn't matter this or that or any other thing in the world...  What matters is that when I look in the mirror, I still see the flabby arms, the muffin top, the side boob...  All of it just continues to point to, why me?
Earlier this week, I wore this grey sleeveless shirt I have.  I don't know the material of the shirt...  Maybe polyester on the sides with a cotton stripe going up the middle in the front and the back.  Because of the different material types, the middle always stretches to accommodate my curves.  When I first bought this shirt, over 3 years ago, I actually never wore it because I didn't like how fat it made me look.  Today, I wear it with pride, because the curves that the shirt shows, are the curves that a woman is supposed to have.  This same day, I also wore my black pinstripe dress pants, size 14, recently bought in December.  They are the smallest pair of pants that I am currently wearing and I just feel awesome wearing them.  Overall, the look I presented, was a well put together business professional, and I felt good.  When the guys looked my way that day, I was like, yes, sir!  This is me!!!  At the end of my day, I ended up on a date with a guy from the gym, who just made me feel amazing because he thought I looked amazing!!!
My confidence issues will probably never go away completely...  But if those days, like the one earlier this week, keep happening...  I might actually start to own this body that I am building and on that day...  I hope I have the presence of mind to say, 'Yes, ma'am!  This is me!!!!'

A Long Recovery

I don't know how I let the entire month of June pass without a post, but here I am..  Thank you to everyone who checked in on me in the last month...  Sorry I wasn't here for you...
Once again...  Still going, still fighting and still trying to win this battle!
Remember that tire that I loved flipping so much?  I discovered it has a rather nasty side...  Or at least my sciatic nerve discovered it...  2 months later, I am still working on recovery...  Last week I did start working back towards a normal routine, but my hip is still very weak and some of my stretches still hit a painful spot.  My cardio has been reduced with strict instructions to keep my heart rate below 130, which if you remember my race, know how difficult that has been.
I am doing a traditional 4 day split with each day focused on specific areas of my body.  I am, so, not used to this at all.  My training, from the first dumbbell I picked up, has been focusing on compound movements.  Each day I have 4 exercises, 15 reps of each, 4 - 6 sets.  So far, the only day I have been able to hit 6 sets is legs and that is because that is where all my power is!!!  Yesterday was a chest day.  I was lucky to hit 10 reps, 4 sets!!!  And today...  Ouch!
That seems to be my favorite word lately...  Ouch!  From my inner thighs, glutes, entire ab area, to pecs...  Ouch!
But I am one of those strange people that refuses to give up and actually loves the pain.  Although is it really pain?  Or is it progress in your body?  Muscle being torn down and rebuilt, bigger, stronger?
I will take a full week of muscle soreness and longer over the 2 month plus recovery from the injury sustained from the tire.  Believe me when I tell you there is a difference and it is a difference each of us need to identify and learn when to quit and when to keep going.
Even when I could barely walk, I was still at the gym, still working on recovery for my hip and strengthening my upper body!  I changed my plan, but refused to quit.  And today, I am back working my hip, albeit at a much lower weight...
With muscle soreness, I can work through it, or stretch it out and still work without fear of injury.
Another battle that we each have to face is how easy it can be for us to slip back into old ways.  I had a very fun Fourth of July weekend including 2 Airbrush Gypsy shows, a girls day out, a Despicable Me 2 drive in theater party, and going to see fireworks at the lake.  A great weekend free of most any worries and stress!  But I didn't have a lot of time to do housekeeping chores, like laundry...  So when I got to the gym yesterday, I discovered I didn't have any socks in my car.  I started shooting myself because I remember pulling a pair of socks out of my gym bag that morning and putting them in the dirty clothes.  Why, oh why, did I have to pick yesterday morning to be the day to clean out my bag...  Man I am so stupid....  Oh well...  I guess I'll just go home and do laundry so I can come back tomorrow...  NO!  You are going to go to the store and buy socks for the 4th time this year and come back to the gym for your workout!!!!!
It is so easy to come up with an excuse not to walk through the door...  AND I was parked in front of the gym!!!  Less than 100' from the door and I was ready to just go home...
Remember, no matter the battle, that the war is key...  We can do this!  We will do this!  And together...  we can do anything we want!  Just keep going, keep fighting, and keep trying!!!

The Road Less Travelled

In the second fattest country in the world, I choose to become a healthier me.
Only 1 out of 3 people choose to be Christian, and I am.
So where am I going with this?
This last weekend was my 3rd year at Bolar Mountain.  I always go to the beach and the outlook on the way to the store and the boat launch that has cell phone service and always make the mile long trek up to Grouse Point Overlook.
Prior to starting this journey, when faced with the decision to go a whole mile to an overlook or to take a unknown trail hike, what decision would you have made?  Yes, I drive out to the middle of nowhere just to escape the craziness of my life, but in all reality, all you really care about is that crazy awesome picture that says I did it!  So off to the overlook you go!
I'm not against this at all!  That's what I have done the last 2 times at the park.  So why am I writing about it?  Because this year when faced with making the trek up to the overlook to get that great 'I did it!' picture, I turned left onto my 'less travelled road'.

The trail I took was little more than a footpath through the woods:  mossed over and covered with leaves from last fall.  Sometimes way too much of an incline up or down depending on where I was.  Hoping and praying that the soft ground wouldn't give out from under me, leaving me sprawled on the forest floor.  I made my way down into a ravine, wondering if I was even in the right place, following blue patches on trees as my only clue that I was still where some other humans had been before.  Following a creek bed, several feet deep, seeing the harsh savagery of nature as trees came down, sliding down the mountain until something stronger stopped it, seeing the little flowers springing up in the middle of nowhere, saying I am strong enough to survive, even here.


I turn a corner on the trail and am greeted with a sight that makes me so glad my mother is not with me.  A narrow and long bridge springs up to greet me, and if that isn't enough, there is a plank missing as well.  I start out across this bridge, feeling not unlike Indiana Jones, and waiting for the bridge to collapse from underneath of me.  As I get nearer to the missing plank, I feel the bridge moving under me more and more, and all I can think about is I am ready for my big role in the movies, it is going to collapse under me and I am going to fall several hundred feet, screaming the whole way until you hear a faint splash...  In all reality, if my mother had been with me, she just would have climbed down into the creek bed and crossed.  I was probably all of 4 feet off the ground, but I was still not impressed with the swaying bridge.

Unbeknownst to me, the bridge was the least of my worries.  No sooner do I step off the bridge, then I start climbing, and by climbing, I mean digging in with all I had to get back up out of the ravine!  Eventually I do make it out of the ravine (obviously) and quickly find myself on a type of service road.  I was actually somewhat disappointed as I followed this road instead of an actual trail.  I mean what is the point of a road less travelled if someone actually built the road????

 At the top of the road, I was greeted with another choice:  continue on the loop I have been travelling or what?  Another overlook?  Why not?  I am already here, aren't I?

OMG!!!  I have never seen a more beautiful vista!  Absolutely stole my breath as I rounded the corner!!!  I sat on a bench and proceeded to enjoy the picnic lunch I had packed and just soaked in this scene that I might never have discovered if I hadn't taken that first left hand turn.
After my lunch was finished, I packed up and set out to continue my Bolar Loop journey.  I was very pleased to be back on a trail and done with the 'road' type setting.  Once again, being careful about foot placement and as most of this section was downhill, I had to be careful to keep my weight back so I didn't go tumbling down!!!  I came to another fork in the road.  Overlook this way, fee booth spur this way.  Well, even if I had been to the Grouse Point Overlook every year, that didn't mean I didn't want to go this year, so onward I travelled.

The side view of the islands seen in this picture are the same islands that were a front view in the last picture. I couldn't believe how far I had travelled!!!  But the best part was I had literally just passed the fee booth spur, so instead of continuing on the loop that I had been on many times before, I back tracked and hit the fee booth spur.  And this is where the story gets lost, well maybe not the story, but I certainly got lost!!!  You see, I came to yet another fork in the trail only this one was unmarked so I didn't know which way to go.  My choices were steep uphill and into the sun or gentle downhill and shaded.  Now, I know that for the story to be really good, I should have taken the apparent harder of the 2 paths and gone uphill and into the sun, but I was hot and tired, and while I didn't mind continuing my hike, was it really necessary to make it harder than it needed to be?  And every time I had been presented with a choice, I had chosen left, so I went left again.  This actually ended up being the hardest part of my entire journey.  The 'gentle' downhill was so misleading as the trail was so steep downhill that 'steps' had been put into place so you weren't completely trying to kill yourself.  Who were they kidding?  Zigzagging back and forth, praying for an end sometime soon and that I would end up somewhere that I knew where I was!!!  And finally, I hear traffic.  Maybe I did choose the fee booth spur!  Yahooey!!!  I see the bottom of my trail coming out onto another service road and there is a sign at the bottom that reads Sugar Hollow Trail.  (not the fee booth spur)  Note to self:  Next years trail is the whole Sugar Hollow Trail, not just the really scary part that I decided to traverse.  But that is another story.  I head for the traffic, because I am done for the day.  

My trail hike ended by walking down these steps.  This is not the first time I have seen these steps since they are on the side of the road leading into the campground, nor is this the first time I have taken a picture of these steps, but I had to take the picture, once more, because this time, I walked down those steps and the trail on the other side too.

All told, I walked over 6 miles this day, climbed and descended at least 115 flights of stairs (1150 ft altitude change either up or down).  It was an amazing trip and one I will not soon forget and I cannot wait to go back and do it all again next year.  I wish I didn't have to wait that long, but hey, that is part of what makes it so magical!  

Maybe to tide me over I will head out to the Blue Ridge, which are certainly a lot closer and spend a day hiking this summer!!!

Just remember, it is that first step that is the hardest.  Once you get moving, just keep on going, and soon you will be taking all left turns onto roads less travelled too!

I Hate Tractor Trailer Tires!!!

With a passion!!!
I was supposed to start flipping the tire at the gym with 1 hand, but instead the manager of the gym was training someone to flip both tires yesterday and my trainer said try that instead of doing one handed.  Stupid me...  I blindly did as she commanded!!!
Each set of tire flips took me more than 5 minutes as I had to rest between each flip.
250 lbs of tire to deadlift and control flip.
Today my quads, forearms and biceps are screaming.  I am downing water like it is going out of style.  I actually have bruises on my forearms!
But, by the end of the 3rd set yesterday, I was recovering faster and working the tire with more ease and I love the pain I am in today because it means I am challenging my body and it is up for the task!  Soon, very soon I will be flipping it like I was just one tire and I can't wait!!!

Full Body Cardio Strength Training - Update

I started my new workout on April 15, so I have done a total of 11 workouts.  Before I go any further, you may want to go re-read the original post.  

1. Burpee Combo - started at 10 lbs, upped to 15 lbs - also, getting really close to doing full push ups!
2. Shoulder raises - started at 12 lbs, upped to 20 lbs, using actual weights, not kettlebells
3. Rope whip cracks - started at 10, will be increasing the quantity today to exhaustion
4. Rope squat jumps - started at 10, already increased to exhaustion, generally about 15
5. Crossovers - started at 12, already increased to 20, going to try for 30 today
6. Hip sled - started at 260 lbs, upped to 350 lbs
7. TRX Abductions - exhaustion point started at 5, up to 30, changed to include pikes, exhaustion point started at 6, already up to 13

Additional rope exercises to be rotated through my workouts:

1. Rope slaps
2. Alternating rope slaps

The gym recently acquired a tractor trailer tire to be flipped the length of the gym and back

1. Tire flips - I've worked with the tire 4 times...  And am now being told that I need to start doing 1 handed flips...  Guess what I am doing today!!!

The big 'challenge' in the gym right now:

1. Negatives - These tear you UP!!!  I have tried 3 times.  The first time I fell so fast I had to laugh at myself.  The second time I felt my arms trying to hold on...  and then I fell!  The third time....  I didn't fall!!!!!!!!  Still wasn't a true negative, but I didn't fall!!!!

So....... I am now up to a 2 hour weight training workout, 1000+ calorie burn every time!

And I am loving every minute of it!  I have never in my life felt as good as I do at the gym, or the days that I get to go to the gym or on my way home from the gym!  This is my happy place!  This is when I get to do something for me!

Next Tuesday is the day to get into my 'not quite yet' bag to see what else I can add to my wardrobe!  I can't wait to find out what stuff I can fit back into again!!!

Angels in Disguise

Today's post is not really weight related, but more life related because of something that has happened in my life over the last week.
Sometime last week I wanted to send a card to 2 of my friends who are very dear to me, but I forgot, got busy and distracted for a couple of days.  I finally got the cards into the mail, sometime...  Don't have a clue when, but I knew they were on their way to spread cheer the old fashioned way.  I kept waiting and waiting to hear that they had received their cards, waiting for them to receive my love!  But nothing...  silence...
Yesterday, I sent a 'Good Morning' email to one of the 2, asking how they were and how the weekend had been.  The response I received was 'not good, tell you later.'  My heart ached to know what was going on, but I didn't want to pry...  I just kept hoping and praying that my card would get delivered, on this, a day of need!
Today, I received a phone call that said 'words could not describe how I felt when I opened your card.'  
When I heard the story of what had happened, I knew there was a reason that I got busy last week and wasn't able to get the cards into the mail when I wanted to.  Because I was needed yesterday!  
Do you want to hear something even more incredible about this friendship?  We have never met!  This person means so much to me, not a single day passes without feeling and sending love!
In today's technological world, I am finding more and more of these people in my world that have become very near and dear to me, but I may never meet face to face!  I have friends in Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Boston, Germany, Idaho, even semi-locally in Virginia.  These people know things in my life that I may not feel comfortable telling someone face to face, or just don't trust someone in my everyday life to have this knowledge, these friends know my ups, and know my downs, share in my victories and hold my hand while I cry.
I downloaded the LoseIt app last April to replace an exercise tracker that just wasn't doing what I wanted... I had no idea the world I was breaking into and being accepted by.  Many of my friends from LI have 'leaked' into my real world, emailing with them on a daily basis, friends on Facebook, texting or calling each other.
The friend who had a bad day yesterday is kind of a co-worker, although these days, aunt is a better description.  She is not from LI, but offers the same unconditional support that I receive from all of my LI friends.
And that is what makes LI so successful!  The support system that we offer each other!!!  We know even on our worst days that someone will say 'It's ok.  You can do it!'
I will post similar statuses on LI and FB, either praise or misery, and the response I get from LI is overwhelming sometimes and generally speaking the first responses on FB are friends from LI as well.  
Even though I am starting a new phase of my journey where I am not really losing anymore, but rather toning and conditioning, LI is so much a part of my life that I know, like so many of my friends that have achieved their goals and are still active on LI daily, I will continue to support my friends!
And something else unbelieveable that is happening?  That positive energy that I feed off of and contribute to, is infecting the rest of my life.  My attitude is becoming more positive, more encouraging to everyone else in my life.  I am finding it easier to get through the bad days, because I know that I really do got this!
AND SO DO YOU!

Full Body Cardio Strength Training

The race is over and I have finally recovered from my cold of February & March, so time to get serious in the gym again.  I mean, this girl, she wants some muscle!!!
So I made an appointment on Monday to rework my training.  My trainer told me that leading up to the race I was working on building endurance, but if I am going forward with training, then I need to shift my focus to power.  Also, she wasn't happy with my heart rate during the race, so she wants to try to force it to start behaving.
I was expecting to add weights back to the routine I already had, maybe add a few new exercises...  Yeah...  I should have known better!

1. Deadlift into a burpee finished with Arnold curl / press
2. Squats with kettlebell shoulder raises
3. Rope whip cracks
4. Rope squat jumps
5. Mountain climber crossovers
6. Hip sled
7. TRX abductions

On Monday, I did 1 set of each of these exercises.  Yesterday, I did 3 sets...  .
My heart spent more time out of zone than it ever has before.  I drank more water during my workout than I ever have before.  I burned more calories than I ever have before.
And OMG!  After my 3rd set of rope squat jumps, I actually collapsed on the floor because it was easier than attempting to get back up!

Some of the exercises really challenge me to push through limits like the push up in a burpee, which I cannot do.  Some are just funny to watch like the rope squat jumps as I have difficulties finding my center balance and almost end up on my rump.  Some make me feel powerful like the hip sled, feeling 260 lbs destroy my body.  Some make me feel weak like the TRX abductions where I can barely complete the set.
At the end of the day, I am exhausted, I am beat, I am dead.  The next day I can't move because my entire body hurts.  But next week, next month, next year...  I will be stronger than I am today!!!

Post Race Exhaustion and a Good Deal of Laughing

The Monument Ave 10k has 40,000 participants.  If only half of those people bring just one person, plus all of the race officials, volunteers, bands, vendors...  You are starting to get the picture?  A lot of people in a very small space?
I have a friend who lives about 1/2 a mile from the finish line in the opposite direction of the race.  There just happens to be a parking garage and 2 lots within half a block of her apartment building.  So I thought it was a great place to park, and it was.  As Mom and I are walking towards the starting line, we walk past a garage that is almost empty.  I tell Mom that we should have parked there.  She said something along the lines of yeah.  I said, 'Mom, it is the police station.'  She said, 'Oh!'  This was about halfway to the start line.  On the way from the finish line back to my car, we are exhausted and barely moving, more like crawling...  I tell Mom that we are coming up on the police station.  She says, 'Hey, that was really rude of someone to put extra blocks in our path!'  I don't know how long it took us to walk to the car, but it certainly was a lot longer than it took to walk to the race!
We needed to stop at a store and pick up bananas & batteries before going home.  It was also very warm, so I asked Mom if she would like to stop for ice cream.  She thought it was a fabulous idea, so I offered, 'Sweet Frog or Brusters?'  She said, 'I don't care.'  I responded with, 'Sweet Frog is right across the street from Wal-mart, but Brusters is all the way down by Charlie's.'  She thought Wal-Mart sounded fabulous.  So I pull into the Wal-Mart parking lot.  My mother always parks at the garden center.  Now if you have ever been in a Wal-Mart, you know the garden center  and the bananas are nowhere near each other.  As we are limping from my car to the door, Mom asks, 'Whose brilliant idea was this?'  I point at her.  She said, 'No it wasn't.  I would have gone to Food Lion.  Not as far to walk!'  I said we still could.  Next thing I know she is no longer next to me.  I turn around to see her disappear on the other side of my car.  As we are getting ready to leave Wal-Mart, we are discussing ice cream and Food Lion options, because we still need to do both, but neither of us want to walk.  Going to Sweet Frog will involve attempting to find a parking spot in one of the busiest places in Richmond in the middle of a Saturday afternoon.  We would end up walking halfway across a parking lot again!  I suddenly remember there is a Food Lion around the corner from Charlie's and could be on the way to Brusters.  We start driving!!  As we hobble into Food Lion, get the bananas and go to check out.  The cashiers ask us if we did the 10k.  We were like, 'is it that obvious?'  They said, 'You are just moving a lil slow.'  Now for Southerners to think Northerners, let alone New Yorkers, to be moving a lil slow, you have probably figured out exactly how slow we are moving!
Note to self:  the next time we do a 10k, shopping afterwards is not happening!!!  Although, we certainly have enjoyed laughing about it since!!!

The Race is Over... Or is it???

Saturday morning woke chilly, bright, and sunny, but I was only the first of those... As the race got closer last week, my nervousness started making me physically sick. A nervous wreck? Yeah, that was me!
After going into the bathroom for the 3rd time in the last hour, I felt myself start crying, just completely overwhelmed at the monumental (pun not intended) task ahead of me.
I posted on Facebook, 'So nervous I am making myself physically sick... Why am I doing this again? ? ? ?'
Literally 3 minutes later, an angel from Texas commented 'Because you can. You got this, Jessica.'
Between this heaven-sent post and the fact that my nervous breakdown woke up my mom (Moms really are great for helping you recover from nervous breakdowns!!!), I finally got out the door and driving to the race!

Made it to my secret parking garage, although driving into the garage must have broke the invisible shield, because about 10 cars followed us in.  At least we found parking easily!!!

As we are walking down the street towards the start line, my mom says 'Do you think they would care if I walk the race?'

So after another trip to the bathroom, I am standing in the corral waiting for my wave to be released.  Mom snaps a picture on her phone (and starts walking on the sidewalk next to the course, unbeknownst to me).  After she takes off, I realize I have been sick all morning and although I made a smoothie for breakfast, I only had 2 sips because it was making me sicker, no water, no Gatorade, nothing in my system whatsoever!  God, please watch over me, cuz this is going to be a long race!!!

I take off at an easy jog, passing people around me, but not going as fast as others.  Felt pretty good.  Grateful that I had finally replaced the battery in my HRM so I could make sure to not have a heart attack while running.  

Ran the first mile in 13:20...  Like, what?!?!?!  Easy jog?  Phone?  You did say 13:20, right? But I feel good, not tired...  Umm...  ok...

At this point in time, my phone must have decided to take exception to my questioning of its' tracking abilities and froze...  For the rest of the race!!!  So I have no split times...  I am very sad about this!

Anyways, back to the race and me jogging at 13 mins!!!  I am not conditioned to run 13:anything for any length of time, so I did end up walking, but every time I had to walk I kept it at a speed walk.  My goal was 1:30 and even though my first mile was fabulous, I knew there was no way I could maintain that pace.  I kept pushing myself, the next step, the next mile.

I was keeping a close eye on my heart.  The entire time my heart was between 175 & 190.  Nothing I could do would drop it!!!  I just kept an eye on my physical being as a whole to make sure I wasn't doing damage and every time I hit 190 I started walking and wouldn't start jogging again until back under 180.

Starting at mile 2, I was grabbing a cup of water and then a cup of Powerade to keep myself going.  Just kept pushing.  Didn't care how tired I was, all that mattered was finishing the race as fast as I could!

Sometime after halfway, I checked my overall time on my HRM watch.  41 minutes and change.  Figured that was on target, and I had shaved 8 minutes off of the time Mom and I completed 2 weeks ago at the Henrico 5k.

At this point in time, I am jogging / walking straight into the sun.  I am exhausted.  The water stops aren't doing much to keep me going, especially since I am now aspirating the Powerade as I try to finish it.  The bands playing, just aren't keeping me motivated.  My heart rate is too high and I can't get it down, I just keep walking, too tired to even set a goal to start jogging again.  Just keep moving is my mantra.

Mile 5 - OMG!  Almost done, come on, I can do this!!!  What time do I have?  1:05???  And I have 1 mile to go?  Holy cow!  Come on, I may be tired, but my goal is in sight!!!  Still exhausted, still just speed walking, not a lot of jogging at all, but as I continue and start recognizing signs of getting closer and closer to the end, I find myself at this weird speed between a walk and jog, but, hey, my body is doing it, not me, so let's go.  Keep an eye on the heart and how heavy I am breathing.  Slow down, speed walk again, around the last monument, and I am doing this weird faster pace again, but I know mile 6 has to be close and I want to finish strong.  I know there is more distance than what I have in the tank left, but I want to jog from mile 6 to the end.  I know I can do it!

Mile 6 and I start jogging, everyone around me is picking up speed.  A mother off to my left is telling her daughter 'Do you see those flashing lights?  That is as far as we have to go.  Come on, you can do it!'  Thanks to her giving me a finish line, I could do it too!  I started keep pace with this man wearing a 'Run with the Big Dog' shirt and we were going, faster and faster.  As we entered the finish corral, I let it all loose and I just flew past people, left and right!  

As I crossed the finish line, I stopped my HRM 1:18!!!  I can't believe it!!!  I hit my goal and took 12 minutes off of it!  So proud of myself!!!

But I am now in a crowd of finishers, trying to get out of the street and into the park to find my mom.  I know where we are supposed to meet, but I can't find it.  So I send her a message that says 'I don't know where I am supposed to meet you', thinking that she has been chilling for the last hour plus, so she can tell me where to find her.  She responds with 'I'm not even at 4 miles on the way back.'  And then asks if I am coming to meet her...  I'm like, I just ran this race in record time (for me) am completely exhausted and just want to collapse, but 'on my way' is the message that gets sent to her...  As I am walking back to her, I start feeling pain in my calf, I strained it again, I am guessing in my foolish all out finish that was unnecessary.  

Once I meet up with her, I find out my official time was actually 1:17:26.  5k time was 38:35, so the 2nd half took 38:51.  I ran both halves of the race almost dead even.  Average 12:30 per mile.  I have no clue how on earth I managed this!!!  But I now understand my heart rate!  No wonder I couldn't get it under control!  I was pushing myself so much harder than I ever had in training!

After all of my freaking out, not only do I hit my goal, but I blow it out of the water, exceed any and all expectations of myself!

So what's next?  I want to qualify for a seeded wave!!!

And more than that, I don't want to quit.

Quit what?  Anything!  I have changed my life for the better and am loving how I feel.  Yes, I beat myself completely while running that race, but I came out the other side knowing how strong I am, and that I am a lot stronger than I think I am!

Last week I made an appointment for today to change my training schedule so I can get into shape to start my training certificate this winter.  I can and will do this and I cannot wait to start!  

Oh yeah, and remember my mom walking the course behind me?  Wonder how she did?  Last week, we previewed the course in 2:05.  Saturday, she walked it by herself, with nothing more than the race atmosphere to push her (and she was walking on the sidewalk so she had to deal with dogs, people, crowds, etc) and she still finished in 2:00.  I could not be any prouder of my mom!  She is my inspiration!  If she could do that with her feet covered in blisters to the point that she could not walk all last week, what possible excuse could I have to not succeed???
Footnote: Notice my hot pink text missing?  In homage to my mom, we are wearing purple today as it is her favorite color.

Mental Changes

My 1 year anniversary on Lose It is just around the corner.  Although I started my weight loss journey in November 2011, Lose It signifies the start of my lifestyle change.  It is amazing at what that means.

Have you seen the commercials for the new diet cure?  The one where you sprinkle stuff on your food and magically lose weight?  The one that specifically says 'Not a lifestyle change.'
I haven't been on the Lose It forum to see what is being said about this new miracle cure, but I can imagine the responses because I have read enough in the last year to know.  What happens when you stop using the miracle cure?  You haven't really learned how to control your weight at all, so the weight will all come rushing back!

But back to me, because let's face it, here in this little place of the internet, my name is on the byline, so it really is all about me!  

My lifestyle change:
 - I haven't lost as much weight as I thought I would, but have discovered that I am not going to.  From this point in my journey, it is all about burning fat and building muscle.  I am still coming to terms with the fact that I may already be at goal weight or potentially gain more weight as the muscle builds!
 - I have learned to eat smaller portions, slower, and how to add protein and healthy fats to my diet and how important these are to my diet.  (Yes, I know I am using the word diet, which I hate when used 'I am on a diet', but 'everyone eats, therefore everyone has a diet'.)
 - I am working on limiting simple carbs and eating only complex carbs, but it is not always easy.
 - I have joined a gym!  Never thought that would happen!!!  Not only that, but I am seriously considering becoming a trainer!
 - I did a 5k with my mom and have a 10k coming up in just 3 days!!!  Never thought I would see the day where I would race again!
 - I am doing weight training with a potential goal of being a power lifter...  And I love every minute of it!!!  The burn, the soreness, the progress I see being made in my body!

The title of this post is Mental Changes and none of this has really been about anything mental, so what has been the mental portion of my lifestyle change?
I grew up a wallflower.  One of those kids that tried best to find a hole in the ground and jump into.  The one that dressed to hide, not get noticed.  I learned very early on to be noticed was not a good thing and generally ended up with me in pain in one form or another.  
I continued this mentality into my adult life.  Well, my early adult life anyways.  After leaving my husband and not realizing until I left that I had been abused within the confines of my marriage, I was determined to never let myself back into that position.  I had to remake myself mentally.  Not to stand out, but to stand up.  It has not been an easy journey.  Small choices, small changes, to find a new me that I was comfortable with as well as protecting myself from more pain.
Part of this change was realizing a couple years ago that I was depending on guys to be in my life, to help me, to support me, and I wasn't sure who I was without a guy by my side.  I made a drastic decision to take a year off from guys, to find me, to learn who I was, to discover who I really was, by myself.  Not only did I take a year off, but in 34 months, I have had 6 dates.  My life no longer revolves around men.  I do know who I am and what I stand for and I am strong enough to be by myself without fear of failure.
So what does this have to do with my lifestyle change?  
While I have not lost as much weight as I would like, I have lost dress sizes and it shows!  I am getting closer and closer to a body 'most women would pay for' to borrow a quote from a friend.  I have started dressing to accentuate my body, to feel feminine, to look pretty, and I have been getting so much more attention from the male half of the species.  I have started to stand out as my body shape changes.  
And there are more mental changes going on too.  I am becoming more confident.  I like the way I look, for myself, not for a man in my life.  That is so important to me!  I don't know that I have ever felt the way I do today, about me!
As this self confidence and self awareness grows, so does the attention from men.  Which is so annoying!!!  Why couldn't they notice unattractive, unconfident me?  Why is that now that I look good, know that I do, and love who I am without them in my life, why now do I get attention???  And what is more aggravating is that most of the attention is coming from stereotypes that I would never get involved with.  
Where is the good country boy that knows how to drive a tractor and doesn't mind getting dirty?  And since I now live in the South, where are these fabled Southern Gentlemen that are supposed to be the ultimate catch?
Who knows?!?
What is important to me, what is my next step in life, is to continue this journey for me!  To continue to improve my body, my fitness, my health, for me!  To continue to grow confident in who I am as a woman!  God willing, someday the right man will come into my life.  I would be even more blessed to have God open my eyes to see who the right man is.  
Until then, I continue this physical and mental journey to find this woman that the little girl back in New York would not dream of being related to!

4 weeks to go, and...

I last was at the gym 02/22.  
My race is 04/13.
So much for having a semi-decent finish!  I am glad when I signed up for the race that I knew I could complete the race, even if I have to walk most of it.  
I've been pretty sick for awhile now.  Flat on my back for several days.  Still sleeping in an inclined position to keep me from coughing all night long.  Still waking up past exhausted.  Still barely making it to work on time.  Still thinking it is a wise idea to not go to the gym to squat 145 lbs!!!  
But I want to!  So bad!!!  I hate driving straight home 3 days a week after work!  I hate missing church!  I hate not being able to do my long run after church!  I hate not feeling the sense of accomplishment as I push myself harder, farther to complete that next set, to add another 10 lbs, to feel that burn, to just zone out as I run the next step!!!
For the 3rd week in a row, I am telling myself, take this weekend, keep it easy, Monday, get ready to hit it hard.  The last 2 Sundays, I have barely been able to make it through the day, so I don't know what this one will bring.
There are only 4 training weeks left before the race.  I realistically would like all 4 to know that I am ready for the race, but I can't do anything to jeopardize me for that day.  
Ugh!  This is so frustrating!!!

I Did WHAT?!?!

Fall 2011, long before I made a serious commitment to a lifestyle change, my mom and I decided we were going to do the Monument Ave 10k, a big race around these parts...  We were already walking our road once to twice a day (2 miles round trip), figured going to do the race would be about the same.  Life happened and we didn't make it to the race.
Life happened again Fall 2012 and I found myself walking 6 miles at least once a week and even start jogging.  After a friend at church ran a marathon, I started thinking about doing the 10k again...  
So I just registered for my first ever race!!!!  I am so terrified and excited all at the same time...
Problem is that January - March is generally the worst of the winter here in Virginia and I already haven't been working out since October...  I know I will finish the race, but I would actually like to have a respectable time and jog the whole way if possible.  How am I supposed to do that in 5 weeks training???
Seems like a simple enough idea...  I joined a gym last week.  
Elliptical workout on Monday...  so exhausted, but man did it feel good!!!
Wednesday I tried out the treadmill.  Doing my usual miCoach workout.  Green zone time (jogging).  I push the button for 4 mph on the treadmill...  And almost fall off!!!  Exactly what I see happens every time anyone on tv gets on a treadmill...  yup, almost did it myself!!!  ugh!  Anyways, back to my workout...  5 mins green zone is the planned workout.  For those math challenged people out there, 4 mph is 15:00 per mile.  At the park, I was averaging 10 - 12:00 per mile.  On the treadmill, I lasted 3 minutes and 30 seconds!!!  I just couldn't take any more!!!  And I had already been pushing myself to last that long!!!!
Oh well...  Life will go on and I will get back on that treadmill and I will run for longer than 3:30!
Am I really doing this?  Excited about going to the gym?  Excited about using and abusing my body?  Excited about achieving my goals!!!!!

Every Victory IS a Victory

Jesyka has lost 2.3 lbs.

 - Valerie says congrats!

 - Kim says WTG!

 - Melynda says you go girl!

 - Jesyka says it is really only a 0.1 loss.  Final recovery from last weekend's gain.

I see this time and time again.  And I have to wonder to myself why would 'Jesyka' have this attitude towards her weight loss?

In my experience, weight loss, as well as most challenges life presents to us, is mostly a mental game.  

I like to take any and all victories as a victory!

 - I lost 2.3 lbs today!  Fabulous!!!

 - I fit into my skinny jeans!  Amazing!!!

 - The guy I just walked past was checking me out!  Like really?  Wow!

 - I have lost 2 inches off my waist since I started tracking my measurements!  Sweet!!!

 - I set a new fasted pace during my run today.  Gotta do that again!

Are you getting the point?  Everything counts!!!

Don't short change yourself of a moment of triumph because you are still tracking last weekends gain.  So you went out with friends and had a good time or mom made her to die for dish and you couldn't say no or you had to have that candy bar.  Life happens!

You are still here!  You are still tracking!  You are still moving forward!!!

In 2012, I moved 4 times.  I spent an entire month eating nothing but fast food.  I spent several months not exercising.  I have been gaining and losing the same 5 - 10 lbs since August.  I've had a lot going on in my life.  I hate to see that I have gained back even an ounce, but EVERY ounce lost IS AN OUNCE LOST!!!  A couple weeks ago, I hit a new low on the scale since starting my weight loss journey.  The next week I was up 3+ lbs.  It sucks, but I still hit that bottom number.  I did it once, I will do it again!

Can't Believe I am Here!

11 years ago, I became very sick with unexplained stomach pain.  I spent the next year in and out of hospitals & doctor visits attempting to determine what was going on with my body.  I was on daily pain killers and my doctor wanted to take me out of gym.  I fought hard to be able to stay in color guard after finally getting my parents to allow me in color guard for the first time.  My doctors note allowed me to walk & stretch.  My routines in guard had to be altered to stay within those bounds.  In order to receive my gym credit for the year, I walked the track on nice days or did lots of research on various sports.
I was finally diagnosed with visceral migraines and put on a medication with a side effect of weight gain.  After already stopping most physical activity and starting this medication, I gained 80 lbs over the next 3 years.  Taking the medication made it so I could get through my day, but I still wasn't able to be active.  
I lost my health insurance shortly after my 20th birthday and wasn't able to continue to take the medication.  I continued to be very careful about how much I moved and tried taking care of my body as much as possible to reduce any possibility of pain.  
In 2008, my parents 'dragged' me out on to the dance floor at a party we were at.  We were all having a great time until pain in my stomach had me bent in half and crying.  My first visceral migraine since high school.  Again, I started taking care of my body and trying to stop the pain.
In 2011, after purchasing Wii Fit, I discovered I was at an all time high weight and was sickened by it.  I decided to slowly start exercising, being careful to not stress my stomach if at all possible.
In 2012, I started jogging, doing crunches, burpees, push ups.
In 2013, I am continuing to break through barriers and push myself farther than ever before.  I am amazed at what my body is allowing me to accomplish!!!  I haven't felt this good in years!!!
Next week, I will be joining a gym!
In April, I will finish my first 10k race!

No matter the circumstance, never give up and keep fighting because the day will come when you will be victorious!!!!!